10th Year Anniversary Revisited Yallingup - February 1999  -----  Ashman

I know it was not that long ago but here's some stuff from the 'Tenth' that you just can't go past for value. I didn't do a "Memoirs" at the time but the following has been dragged from my failing cerebellum and should bring back a few pleasant but alcohol clouded memories?

SAYINGS:

"Stand?and turn?" When potentially being nailed by the thumb-to-nose it became a standard defence mechanism that you "stand..and turn.." to avoid the hit. Once the butt cheeks leave the chair you are safe but while arse-flesh is on the cushions you are as open as Paul Worland's lolly bag on a girl guides camp.

This, of course, links beautifully with?

"Dark Side of The Dealer?" Failing the "Stand and turn" method you are bound to be in trouble when your view of the thumb-to-nose is hidden by the bastard standing next to you dealing black-jack slower than an arthritic sloth on valium. This painful predicament is made worse by man-mountains like Brad "Grab Ankles" Clarke who blocks your view better than a full lunar eclipse.

"How's Tania Mate?" An obscure little TV ad with some guys dressed in cow suits and all of a sudden you have cult status and a saying used more often than Matt "Cracka" Rowston's medicare card at the VD clinic. This little gem was yelled from moving buses, down dark pathways on the way to Caves House, at the beach, from balcony to roadway and up and down the circular staircase from morning to night.

"House Brick" Too much alcohol, too little sleep and a too long under one roof with 9 grown men and pretty soon the bizarre takes on the surreal in a fist fight for supremacy. This little pearler came from a discussion on the transient nature of the meanings of words and pretty soon the term "coffee" became substituted for "house brick" and before you could launch into a chorus of "subsidy boy?subsidy boy?" there were cries of "Make me a House Brick, white and one.." echoing through the beach house.

"The Great Leveller" This term became a pseudonym for Death Uno ? as the all round benchmark for an even competition. The game that raises the pressure in a room like no other was a popular choice for some and a pain worse than a groin-first fall onto a garden rake for others. Nothing like the card draw being up in the high twenties, heading towards you around the circle and you're staring at your cards and seeing nothing but numbers? Congratulations to Paul "I hear a porn tape somewhere?" Worland who took it over the hood of his car and grabbed a fistful with a 30 card pickup. Nothing to compare to Dan's all time record of 46 but it copped a decent crowd response nonetheless.

"Folding faster than?" As the hours dragged by it became more evident that the frustration of being dealt yet another bucket of complete shit, especially by Chris "Five Aces" Butler, was getting too much for some. Looking at your hand, seeing nothing but air and pegging the cards down swiftly and with as much force as possible became complimented by variations of; Folding faster than an epileptic origami artist the last deckchair on the titanic your sister over the hood of my car a hyperactive napkin maker? and so on?

"NATO Standard" As with 'The Great Leveller' this term came to symbolise the straight up, no messing around, cut and dried, black and white, old favourite, Mr Reliable five card draw poker with two's wild.

The Nato Standard contrasted beautifully with Grant "Goat Herder" McLeod's attempt at a complicated feng shui numerology and algebra system for poker which was something like prime number blacks are wild, look at your first card, bet blind on the second but you can look at the third and make up a hand of eleven with the remaining even numbered red cards and pick your best five with aces, eights and kings wild but only if it's a leap year, ignore the first card you though of, take away the minutes past the hour, no ante and bets double in an anti-clockwise direction. What was the middle part again?

"Smacks of Two Up" To clear up the controversy once and for all, any game or event that is bound to suck the big one can be aptly described as smacking of two-up. This refers to yet another Mcleodism as Goat Boy introduced an edited version of two-up, promptly won a truck load of our money and then proclaimed the game too complex and never played it again. Genius comes in many guises and seeing as he won the event he must be doing something right? And by the way, the saying is not "Spanks of two-up." You will be told only once?

HIGHLIGHTS

The Bus The Venga Bus might well be coming but our bus was there. Barely an inch of leg-room due to eskies full of crispy cold ale and it was a road trip to be proud of. Filled up on fast food in Mandurah and on to Ed Rooneys in Bunbury, what an awesome spectacle. Matt "Can't find it - grind it" Rowston did a lot of the driving and allowed the rest of us to keep the beer flowing, hats off?

Magic A card game that is yet to be gambled on (though I foresee a time?) but nevertheless whiled away some great afternoons (and mornings and nights) as we watched the sun out over the bay. Tim "Rulemaster" Beck provided much of the interpretations for the novices amongst us but seeing as he barely lost a game we were a tad interested in some of his explanations. "Oh, no, you see that particular card means all your creatures get -50/-50 for the rest of the day and you instantly lose this game and have to make me a house brick and a cheesy. It's a complex rule but you can look it up?trust me."

Brad and Chris getting pantsed at the Yallingup pub A great night at Yallingup pub, sinking a shitload of beers and watching Chris "Eight Ball" Butler and Brad "Does Your Wife Play?" Clarke get pantsed by some locals. They grabbed ankles and bought a bottle of wine rather than do the elephant walk. I don't remember what they paid for it but I can recall thinking I'd rather be seen in my underwear than shell out a small fortune for a bottle of local sawdust.

The Chick In The Blue Dress Enough said.

5 foot shore dumpers A great couple of days at that glorious beach. Huge swell out the back transforming into monster dumpers right on the sand. Wild.

Paul's dive for Damien's chip My single favourite part of the card night and a definite highlight of the week. We finally made a rule that the annoying pricks who peg their betting chips all over the table can lose them if they miss the bowl. First one to grab a wayward chip gets to keep it. Damien sets up beautifully with the fake gumby throw, one bounce off the table and on to the floor. Paul's greedy little eyes light up like an electric chair in Texas and he dives down quicker than a ten dollar hooker. Damien goes straight for thumb-to-nose, the rest of us immediately clue in and Paul realises mid-dive what is happening. Fucking hilarious part is that he never even got the chip because Brad "Body Club" Clarke stomped his foot on it and you may as well lift Ayres Rock. On the video playback you can actually see the moment Paul realises his lunch has been cut and it is a thing of beauty.

Cheers fellas

Ashman 

Here are some of the emails Matt sent around to organise the 10th Anniversary Event.